1: Yeah, I Got U

"U got me? OH REALLY?"

OKAY, fine. so the title doesn't really have anything to do with this blog post... and neither do your smelly socks (guilty?). The truth is, i have no idea about what I'm writing, or about what I'm going to write about (or type about, for that matter). So, there's no way I could assure you that my blog will make you go "OMGWTFBBQ", or "this is lame, NEXT BLOG PLEASE!". I can't say that it's exciting, and i can't say that it's gonna bore you to death either. But seriously, if I tell you that it'll bore you to death, I'd probably be lying. I KEED.

I'VE read tons of blogs already-- about racism, sexism, nationalism, alcoholism, bitch-ism (lolwut?), orgasm (I KEED), and animalism. And I admit,  I did enjoy reading those ideas and bad grammar...ism (whatever). But surprisingly (?), none of those damnright awesome blogs enthused me to make my own blog. I was actually persuaded to blog too because of what one of my best friends, Kendra, told me about it (not that she was forcing me to blog).

AND there you have it: my own blog. *applause*

FOR a start, I guess it would be cool to talk about myself, because, you know, I AM COOL. :))
So I'm Maria Larisse Hernandez, a.k.a. prettiest bitch evar (emphasis on "bitch". LULZ). I was born in Las Vegas, then we moved to Tennessee when I was three, to North Dakota when I was five, to South Carolina when I was eight, and to California when I was thirteen. I know what you're thinking. "LARISSE, YOU BIG, FAT, LYING BITCH!" Alright, fine, I made that up. But seriously, I'm not telling you where I live. Like, what're you gonna do, stalk my mom?! You ought to be ashamed of yourself. :))

Now, truthfully speaking, I'm not your average girl. I'm extraterrestrial! Like.. your favorite Martian! Like this dude over here:

marvin: your favorite martian!

But since I'm the purrtiest bitch evar, I am much cuter than cute old marvin. :)

I don't care if my nose looks like a tomato XD

and don't worry, I have a picture of you too!

YOU.

nah, I keed the doggy. he's too cute to be you.
THIS is you!

YOU!!!

Don't worry, You'll find love someday :)
I keed the old man. :))

You'll go straight to hell if you laughed at that picture.
But seriously, EPIC FACE, right? right?
oooor maybe not.

ANYHOO, back to earth. Get it? ' high five for the martian pun! No? (Damn, I don't even know why I'm friends with you.)

NOW seriously. *clears throat* Here's a list of what I like:

• God
• my family
• anime
• my bffs
• sweets
• my real friends
• my gay friends
• my not-so-fake friends
• more chocolates
• your money
• your Xbox
• your boyfriend (I KEED)
• horses
• ponies
• unicorns
• centaurs
• pegasus..es (wtf?)
• my poop on your plate, I guess. (NOW THAT'S JUST GROSS)
• your grossed out face, perhaps? :)
• you when you're high... you know, like

yeah, yah gotta love yourself!

AND as for my dislikes?

• pork chops
• steak
• animal murderers
• anime haters
• homeless cockroaches (lol)
• horny people on omegle
• your dad's giant chainsaw (lolwut?)
• your lame yu-gi-oh deck
• anything uncool like my fake friends

 SOOOO basically, I'm one weirdly awesome, badass bastard JK. I'm a good lolita. JK again. ---a God-fearing, anime-loving, darn charming, amazingly persevering (NOT) BADASS GIRL :)

so bitches and trolls,
gaylords and lesbos,
this concludes
my first blog post <3